Thoughts & Tantrums > Fiction > A Little Bit of Fiction : Leave Right Now
A Little Bit of Fiction : Leave Right Now
I think we’ve all been there before… in a situation when you bump into an ex that you aren’t quite over yet and you’re not quite sure what to do or how to react.
This piece I wrote in February 2011. I was listening to Will Young’s Leave Right Now and it brought a sort of nostagia. The familiar feeling of being excited but wanting to hold back for fear of the hurt that you already knew….
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So here we are. I see him from the other side of the crowded room. I had imagined this day a thousand times over. What I would say. How I’d react…
Maybe I should go….before he sees me…
The nights I had cried myself to sleep, feeling the gaping hole in my chest that he had left. The days I had willed him back into my life. It took me so long to accept that he had gone. An age to move on…
He sees me. He smiles. My heart melts.
It had taken an eternity for this wound to heal. For my fragile heart to be strong. And with that one, simple gesture, I felt it melt. I felt the sting of the hurt that, I suppose, had always been there, burn like acid. I stood there. A raw nerve.
I tremble.
All that time had passed and here I stood, still as vulnerable as the day he shattered my world.
He moves towards me…
In that instant, I knew I would never really love anyone as completely as I’d loved him. But in that same instant, I knew I could never be with him again. And yet, I knew he would always have a piece of me….
I could just turn and go. Disappear into the crowd before he reaches me.
I feel the wash of emotion rise up within me. Our entire life together flashes before my eyes. Every time he made me laugh. The way he made me feel. The safety I felt in his arms. The way I lost myself in his eyes…. His kiss….
I think I better leave right now….
It’s taking me everything I have to hold myself together. To keep the tears from coming. To stop trembling. …To not let him take me in his arms…
I remember the touch of his skin against mine …
It’s too late. He’s standing in front of me. Even from here I sense the smell of his skin. Or is that a memory?…
So here we are. I’m standing in front of him. I had imagined this moment a thousand times over. It’s so good to see him and yet it’s killing me. I feel myself falling all over again. There are so many things I want to say to him. Tell him what he means to me. What he will always mean to me. And yet, after all this time, all that planning, the only thing that I know for certain…. Is that I better leave right now.