A Little Piece of Fiction: Happy
It’s been a while since I last posted anything. All I can say is that things have been really hectic the start of the year! So, I thought I’d start the year off with another piece of fiction I wrote a while back.
There are no guarantees in Love. As much as we would like to believe its forever after, sometimes things don’t quite work out that way. The key though, is to live and savor the moment…
I remember worrying. About everything and nothing at the same time. About letting myself go, about wanting to let myself go, about getting hurt if I did let myself go. About trying to make it work. Wondering whether he even wanted to make it work. About how far I was willing to let myself fall. All the complications of life. All the factors. All those little details that you need to think about and work out, rationally, logically. Was this even worth it? Things have to go somewhere, no? Otherwise what’s the point in doing anything. And then… I stopped
I looked up at the sky, breathed in the chill air and smiled coz I realized…
I was in love.
That was something you felt. It was irrational and far from logical and I realized, thinking wouldn’t help me. I needed to feel.
It was that magical type of love, the type that I almost gave up on. The type I didn’t think existed. The kind that gave you butterflies. That made you read his messages over and over again, and hope that each call or text was his. Where you melt into each other and the whole world fades away.
The kind that didn’t make sense, that made you afraid, coz you realize, you’re no longer in control.
Falling in love.
I decided at that moment that I wouldn’t worry about what was to come. I’d live in each moment as they came. If this sweetness was to end, it would. But in the meantime, I’d savor every second I had.
But there’s a reason they call it ‘falling in love’. Coz if the other person doesn’t catch you, you hit the ground…hard.
And that’s what happened. It shattered me into a million pieces and I thought that was it.
I’d never felt so much pain in my life. I still remember the sting as his words cut through me. Crumbling to the floor. Grasping at straws even though I knew it was no use.
The kind of love that, if you were lucky, you experienced once in your life. I thought that was my chance at it. And that now, whatever else was to come, would never compare. Coz how do you compare anything with such sweet perfection?
For the longest time, that was exactly what happened. I drifted. Smile on my face, skip in my step but my heart heavy with a void and knowledge that I had experienced the sweetest kisses once and that everything else that was to come would never compare.
And then, I met him.
I remember the first time our eyes met. In that split second I knew was something there, although I didn’t understand it. We hadn’t even spoken yet. Really? Could it be?… again?
He felt so familiar. His kisses, his touch, the look in his eyes. How is this possible? I thought this happened only once in your life. Again?
Breathing him in. Talking about nothing for hours. The way he brushed my hair away from my face and pulled me close.
He was the first thing on my mind before I even opened my eyes in the morning and the last thing before I fell asleep. And in between, he never lingered far from my thoughts.
But again, he wasn’t mine. Despite it feeling so right for each other, once again I was left standing there as I watched him walk away. The knife this time, cut just as deep. I never thought that possible
Neither of them are mine. But I guess, they never really were. I watch them from a distance and I pray that they’ve everything they wanted.
As I watch, I feel a sweet pain that brings a soft smile to my lips.
Our passions were so short and sweet. And it kills me every time I see them now moved on. But its ok. It was worth it. Coz if pain is in direct relation to the sweetness before, i get to say that not once but twice in my life, I was truly… happy.